What Most People Don’t Know About Me:
The Six Cousins: Taylor (1999-2018), Olivia, Max, Julian, Joe, and Jack.
I have always been a driven perfectionist and extremely hard on myself.
This “warrior-like” way of being may have helped drive me to excel and achieve, but it also has a shadow side that has been damaging my soul. For example, getting into physical therapy school was challenging with its tremendously competitive entry requirements. I now recognize the journey is much more important than the destination, and I am always learning to treat myself more gently along the way. Instead of viewing life as a war, life can be a flowing dance filled with beauty and ambiguity. I am not naturally graceful, but I “dance” with whatever shows up at each moment.
I had experienced times when my life lacked meaning and purpose to the point of being in tears on my kitchen floor.
Although there are things I loved about my first career as a physical therapist, it wasn’t enough. I knew my life was supposed to impact the world significantly, but I didn’t know how to get there. After careful discernment, I moved my family two thousand miles away to attend seminary so I could follow my heart to lead more extensive groups of people as a Christian pastor in The United Methodist Church. What had worked up to that point could not take me into this uncharted territory. I have now become clear about my deep sense of purpose, guiding my decisions and propelling me forward. Now, as a coach and a consultant, I guide people toward the “magic” of finding meaning in their life’s journey. Sometimes what got us where we are will not ultimately bring us where we want to go.
Leadership is hard, and I have encountered the soaring heights and crushing lows of being a leader.
I have been paralyzed with fear and anger, questioned myself and my decisions, and wondered if I was taking the proper steps or was even in the right place. I have, at times, even confided in mentors that I didn’t want to lead anymore. Paradoxically, I have also had times where I felt as if I was the only person who could lead in a particular time and place, as well as moments of tremendous affirmation and even standing ovations. In my life, I have been asked to lead in many ways:
As a big brother and as the ringleader in the neighborhood.
As a team captain and as a peer mentor.
As a business owner and as an entrepreneur creating new lines of service.
As a board member and as a clinic manager.
As a friend and as a husband.
As a parent and as a pastor.
As the chairperson for our Board of Ordained Ministry and as a District Superintendent/area supervisor.
As influential leaders, we must work to get to know ourselves deeply and manage our anxiety for people to follow us. We also embrace our endless questions and spiritual searching. I know I am still imperfect and make mistakes, but the difference is I engage those feelings and don’t get deterred or lose sight of where I am going. What challenges are you confronting as a leader right now?
My family and I have experienced several existential crises that shook us to our core…
We wondered if we would ever experience “normal” again after my nephew’s tragic death. This event and other illnesses and injuries caused me to question my ability to lead my family in times of crisis. How can I lead others effectively if my family feels like it is falling apart? Through those times, I have realized that leading often means focusing on what is right in front of me and seeing that life is simultaneously filled with darkness and light, ugliness and beauty, meaninglessness, and a profound sense of purpose. As a coach, consultant, or trained conflict mediator, I help others find that deep resolve. I am not afraid to enter dark places and ask the hard questions no one else is willing to ask you – with deep empathy, compassion, and playfulness!